I THREW OUT 11 PAIRS OF ILL-FITTING JEANS

When I was in college I rarely wore jeans. Maybe once a week.. sometimes. Yet my entire top shelf in my wardrobe was stacked high with jeans – more specifically River Island Molly Jeggings in a size 16. 

I was OBSESSED with these jeans. I loved them, I hoarded them, I bought them religiously when they were discounted. Yes, they always fitted me, and they even did when I tried them on the other week – but were they ever super comfy? Would I wear a top tucked in with them? Would they ever NOT fall down? The answer to all of those questions is the same – a resounding 'no'. So, why did I keep them?

I kept these jeans because of my internalised fatphobia. I kept them because I wanted to squeeze into them. I kept them because 'when I've lost a few inches, they'll look so much better' and I kept them because 'I'd never buy jeans in a size 18, I am not that fat'. 

I decided to try on all of my jeans the other day. In my new bedroom, all of my jeans get stored in a big drawer in my chest of drawers. The middle drawer to be exact, was heavy, over-flowing and bursting with jeans. It didn't close properly and it was such an annoyance to get anything out of. Since January, when we moved into our London flat, my jeans have stayed put in that drawer. So, I decided to have a try on.

They all fitted me still, bar one pair that wouldn't zip up without cutting into my belly. But they were all SO uncomfortable. I sat down in a pair for the back to just dip down completely – exposing my big knickers (haha). I remember this ALWAYS happening at college – which is exactly why I would never ever dare wear a cropped top or tuck something into them. So why on earth would I want to keep these ill-fitting, uncomfortable jeans? Again, the answer is fatphobia.

We all fear fat.. even if you're like me and at peace with your fatness, we still fear it in our subconscious. And this is all thanks to the way we have been conditioned– conditioned to hate fat, fear it, avoid it, strive for thinness. We are all taught to want to be thin and beautiful, to want to look like women in magazines and on the telly, to want to look like the mannequins in shop windows. And this is one of the many reasons why we fear being big, chubby, fat – whatever you want to call it.

Accepting your size is daunting and hard – it is not easy whatsoever. Four years ago, I would have NEVER thrown out all of those jeans because in my mind it would have meant that I was 'getting fatter' and in my mind, fat meant ugly and horrible. But since embracing my fatness, accepting my size and realising that I'd rather have clothes fit me properly than clothes in a smaller size look ghastly – I just went for it and gave 11 pairs of jeans to the charity. And you know what? I feel SO much better for it.

If you've got a pile of jeans sitting in your bedroom that you don't wear, that are uncomfortable, that are ill-fitting – THROW THEM OUT! And buy some jeans that you LOVE.. that FIT properly and that are COMFY AF. This is a sign to just go for it. Just do it!