CRUSHES... THEY'RE CALLED THAT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO

[Blouse gifted from SHEIN]

I've written about being single on here before – in fact it's one of my most popular posts. Well, I can kind of see why – being single at 21 is kind of an intriguing topic.. especially when you throw in the fact that I've not had a boyfriend.. EVER.. or a first kiss. Anyway, just because I've not been in a physical relationship doesn't mean I've never fancied anyone or even been in love.

I've had SO many crushes. Crushes were how I passed time at school and college. Having a crush gave me purpose to go in, gave me a reason to look nice (wow, how superficial), gave me topics of discussion for my diary, and gave me the feelings that normal girls my age had. I loved having crushes.. it was fun. Well, it was until you felt as though you were crushed because of them.

I'm going to talk about a few of my school crushes.. let's start with one from primary school. Gosh, I LOVED this boy. We were in Year 3 and I was so young, so obsessed and so bashful. I used to write his name all over my diary complete with drawings of cricket bats as he loved to play cricket (cringe). I even sent him a Valentine's Day card... on the day I left the school because I was too scared to tell him how much I liked him. This is the guy I actually referred to in my post 'Being an independent woman and saying 'no' to love' last year. Long story short.. we reconnected and things were going well until he became slightly controlling.

The next crush memory is one from middle school. I was in Year 5 and absolutely head-over-heels in 'crush' with this boy in my class. He was 'buff' or so I thought... I wrote all over my diary (yep, the same one from earlier, and yes I still have it) '*his name* is SO BUFF' – I mean, how CRINGE!? After over a year later, we ended up being really close friends – he came round my house for dinner, I went round his for bonfire night.. then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was SO happy.. 'my first boyfriend' I thought to myself. Well, Mollie – that might have been the case if you had actually spoke to each other the next day at school. We completely ignored each other because we were too scared, worried and nervous. He called me later that night and dumped me. That same night I wrote a song called '24 hours'.. yep, I still have this song penned in an old notebook.

Sometimes crushes can feel so intense, so real, so raw and so heartbreakingly beautiful – all at once

As I got older and moved onto high school my feelings and crushes became so incredibly intense. There's about two main crushes from high school that stick out in my mind. One was a close friend and the other was one of the most popular boys in the school. Both of these boys were deep crushes of mine, I even confessed to one the day I left town.. via Twitter DM (cringe). The other boy never knew and still has no clue. These boys really meant something to me when I was 14/15. I remember writing more songs about them, I can remember crying over them in my bedroom, I can remember wishing they'd notice me and ask me out, and I can remember being petrified in case they ever found out that me, Mollie the chubby girl fancied them.

When I got to college to study my GCSEs I had jumped straight back into a school-like environment for the first time in two years. A boy instantly caught my eye and I was obsessed. I thought about him all of the time and my diary was full of daydreams about him. I had nothing to do with him though, I rarely spoke to him, we didn't hang out, I'd be surprised if he even knew my name. We ended up following each other on Instagram and then I saw he got a girlfriend just around the time of my GCSE exams. I was devastated of course. I remember googling 'how to get over a crush' and crying into my cushion. But out of sight out of mind and I was back to my good 'ole self come September and ready to go back to college for a different course.

Since then I've had crushes of course, one or two deeper than others and one or two that I may have cried over while listening to Taylor Swift songs.

Getting over a crush that can't be yours is so devastating, especially when you're like me and you've never ever had a crush manifest into anything more than a crush. Each time I've fancied a boy NOTHING has ever become of it – it just fizzled away, they got a girlfriend or I moved area. It's sad but true – crushes can really crush you.

Outfit details: I'm wearing a gorgeous blouse from Shein. It's the Plus Knot Cuff Frill Floral Blouse. Use code quirkQ2 for 15% off of your order. (not affiliated).

One day I'll fall in love, but until then, I hope you all enjoy reading my hopeless romantic blog entries... so, let me know – do crushes crush you?